It’s out of my hands, and all I can do is wait
It’s the not knowing that has put me in this state
The minutes feel like hours, the tension is too great
I’ve done my part, so now it’s in the hands of fate

Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
I shouldn’t have fucked that prositute without a prophylactic
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
Regret is dripping from me like my semen down her crack — and now I wait

My nerves, they have been frayed, my pants, they have been shat
I know the nurse will say, “it’s time to have a chat”
At least I never worry about getting fat
I should think positive — no wait I didn’t say that!

Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
I never should have blown that tranny in my Cadillac
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
I just had to taste that sweet forbidden nectar from his sack — and now I wait

Is it over, will my jersey be retired?
Will my name stitched upon a quilt be required?
Did I make a differnce, was my life inspired?
Will Denzel Washington defend me when I’m fined?

Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
Eating asshole shouldn’t be an aphrodisiac
Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
If I’m clean, I swear to God I will stop shooting smack — probably

Boys and girls, don’t be naive
Take it from your uncle Steve
AIDS cares not whom it affects
Caught from unprotected sex
Sharing needles, blood, or spit
Or piss, or semen, even shit
From handshakes, sneezes, toilet seats
From monkey bites, and uncooked meats
From dirty coins, and dreadlocked hair
From certain children in daycare
Drinking water, breathing air
I tell you, AIDS is everywhere
Oh God, I can’t take anymore
I think I’ll run right out that door
But wait, the nurse comes straight away
Tell me, what does my test say?

I’m okay!
I’m okay!
It’s just chlamydia!