All my days
I’ve lived with my disgrace
I’m afraid to show my face
Or at least take off my underwear

See, I was born like a half-way neutered pet
I don’t have a matching set
It’s a part of me that just ain’t there
Please don’t stare

Well, I’m a gambling man without two dice
I’m like Uncle Ben with only one grain of rice
Oh, to have two testes would be so nice
But I’m half a man, yeah, I’m half a man

Wanna die, end it all, just call it quits
I can’t find a cup that fits
And at baseball games I feel so dumb
When I hear, “0-1”

Oh, my God, how could you have been so cruel
To give me one family jewel?
And the one that’s there must feel so sad
He’s a lonely nad

Well, I’m a marathon runner with just one leg
I’m a fallopian tube with just one egg
Oh, I want another testis, do I have to beg?
I’m half a man, yeah, I’m half a man

Oh…

Well I’m a Tweedledee with no Tweedledum
And I’m a Siskel & Ebert with just one thumb
And I’m a “Yo, Ho, Ho and no bottle of rum”
I’m just half a man, yeah, I’m half a man