When the game of life makes you feel like quitting
It helps a lot if you kill a kitten
Mark my words, ’cuz from where I’m sitting
You can’t go wrong if you kill a kitten

There’s no crime that you’ll be committing
I know the law, you can kill a kitten
And if you need yarn for that scarf you’re knitting
You get plenty when you kill a kitten

Feed it turpentine
Or break its spine
Crush him with your shoe
As long as you kill a kitten

If the one you love isn’t quite as smitten
She’ll like you better when you kill a kitten
And I quote the bible, ’cuz that’s where it’s written,
“If thee loving Jesus he must kill a kitten”

Flush him down the can
Hit him with your fan
Drown him in a lake
Bake a kitty cake
Throw him at a train
Make him snort cocaine
Stick some TNT
Up his cat booty
Do what you must do
As long as you kill a kitten

Killing kittens isn’t easy
And if the thought makes you feel queasy
Grab a pitchfork from the shed
And kill a puppy dog instead

Kill a kitten
You gotta kill a kitten
A little furry kitten
A little furry kitten

Kill a kitten
Kill a kitten
You gotta kill a kitten
You gotta kill a ki-i-i-i-i-whoa-oh-oh

Meow…